Monkey Talk 101
July 20, 2007
For those of us who play Poker with the intent of playing the game correctly and attempt to learn more along the way, the following is a glossary of terms used by the Monkeys at the tables.
Hopefully, this will aid you in determining what is happening at the tables so you can clarify your next course of action.
Just so this post doesn’t get too long, I will break it up into sections. The first section will be about identification. The next will be about communication.
First, let’s define a Monkey.
mon·key
In Poker, a medium-sized primate found mostly in low buy in tournys and SNG’s. Monkeys include baboons, marmosets, capuchins, macaques, guenons, and tamarins, but exclude apes, lemurs, and tarsiers. These primates typically have a disregard for the game of Poker and play the game in an unusual way. The Monkey’s brain size does not allow room for starting hand requirements, pot odds calculations, or hand odds calculations so they are extremely dangerous at times when cornered. If you are not careful, a Monkey can take all your chips before you know what hit you because of their atypical play. Communication between Monkeys has developed into special terms which non-Monkeys in general, do not understand.
Now that we know what we are up against, we need to discuss the typical Monkey identifiers. Since we can’t actually see them, we need to use other “clues” to help us target and note the aforementioned primates.
Identification usually only takes the first few hands of any Poker tourney or SNG. Being Monkeys, they can’t help not identifying themselves quickly. So, here are a few typical examples of Monkeys being at your table.
1. All-in first hand pre-flop – This is the quickest identifier because it takes place in the first hand. If you run into this situation, the best thing to do is fold. There is a good reason for this. If the all-in Monkey is in early position, this play will also help identify OTHER Monkeys at your table. A true blue Monkey will not be able to lay down any hand in this situation so you may see other callers. The detriment to this situation however is that after the hand is over, one of the Monkeys will have a lot of chips. This shouldn’t last too long though because Monkeys have a hard time holding on to a lot of chips and they will be dispersed again soon.
2. The chasing Monkey – The chaser can be identified by watching them play a full hand. The chaser will call almost any bet all the way to the river, and then fold. The level of “Monkeyness” can be determined during this hand by the flop and opposing players betting. A high level Monkey will call bets 5 or 10 times the size of the blind all the way to the river. A high level Monkey will also call bets with a board where they only have 4 outs or less after the flop.
3. The chatter box Monkey – This Monkey normally identifies themselves by announcing to the table either before the tourney starts or right after it starts that they will crush everyone at the table and win.
4. The silent Monkey – These Monkeys tend to be a little elusive since they are very quiet. One of the best ways to identify them is to look at the hand history while playing if they were involved to see what type of cards they are playing. Calling raises in middle position with cards like a K 2 off or 6 10 suited are indicators of silent Monkey play.
5. The hidden Monkey – This is the most difficult one to identify. These Monkeys are at the top of the Monkey chain. They are hard to identify because they hide their Monkeyness at the beginning. It is only later in the tourney or SNG that the pull to be a Monkey becomes unbearable and they crack. These Monkeys can be quite dangerous because sometimes they have enough chips to pull Monkey type plays and can take you out. Caution should be used when running into this Monkey. One can only hope that the timing is correct and your opposition runs into this one first so they can be identified and dealt with.
6. Drunk Monkey – The combination of alcohol and Monkeyness can create the most dangerous primate out there. Great care should be taken when coming across this animal. Normally, the only thing that will kill or wound this Monkey is the “Nuts”. If you have identified this Monkey as being at your table, hopefully he is acting before you so you can fold anything except the Nuts because he/she is quite capable of playing any 2 cards and sucking out on a lot of hands. The best case scenario is other players who are not Monkeys have also identified him/her and there is an unspoken agreement between you to take him/her out. You will know this because other non-Monkeys will typically not aggressively play against each other until Drunk Monkey is taken out.
These are the ones I have learned about. If there are more, please help all of us by posting comments about the ones you have run into so we can all benefit.
It is time we try to take control of the tables back from the Monkeys so we can play in peace.
Next post, communications. How do they talk to each other?
Comments
10 Responses to “Monkey Talk 101”
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lol I can see a whole new dictionary or thesaurus growing out of this one..
Let’s not forget the the howler monkeys.. “Sooot..SoooOooot.. Soooot soooot.. it was .. soooted!”… .. “soooot soot”
Me and you are gonna have to touch base on this one Dave. we gotta have this article on the website lol..
May I add that we should not forget the “criminalize online poker monkey”.
It’s the monkey who keeps re-buying into a $1 buyin game until he reaches a point where he has invested $10 eventually into the game.
He must now take at least 20th place to re-coup his investment.
He uses up all of his credit card/s limits trying to win a game. Any game.
When his or his mom’s or his best friends, or girlfriends cards are maxed out, with or without their knowledge, we all pay. Thats the #1 reason why the US is outlawing internet gaming, with tax revenues coming in 2nd.
Monkey boy is creating bankruptcy cases to an unparreled high.
What should we call this monkey?
Lippy, Lippy, Lippy,
You really think the government’s main interest in banning internet gambling is to protect someone from going bankrupt? You think nobility and the concern of protecting people from themselves is the primary motivator? Not the millions or billions of lost revenue because it is an untaxed market?
Regarding the Monkey you mention above. Maybe we should call him “Your bankroll building Monkey” cause thats what he is.
Please note I mentioned them as the #1 reason. True or not, it sure was good fodder for initiating the law we all know was a hidden agenda for taxation.
LOL… and excellent description of the monkey types and a good pointer to those who struggle to identify them.
There is one other that I can think of…. the ‘All hands’ monkey. This is one who will play every single hand, no matter what it is, even calling raises pre-flop. But they can be dangerous at times. If they play every hand dealt to them they will eventually HAVE to run into a decent holding. 9 times out of 10 though they will have jack-squat and will be easy pickings. They can be pretty special too in the sense that even though they have hit nothing on the flop they like to put out continuation bets – normally a single bet to try and make you think that they have something. A re-raise here is normally enough to have them running.
Good one Goph!
Maybe we could call him/her the Short Term Monkey.
They tend not to last too long and once identified by the non-Monkeys at the table end up like the weak Gazell on the African plain.
All the lions go after the weakest.
I just thought of another. The “Spank The Monkey” monkey.
This is the one ya spank clean out of the game cuz he was stupit enough to go all in with squat against your huge PP. He chipped ya up mightely and everyone is grateful someone could eventually call his “My ALL IN Button Is Stuck” style of play.
OMG rofl you guys are soooo hilarious i’m laughing my ass off here!
Just love the “spank the monkey” lippy………. great name.
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